Want a New Guitar for Christmas? Find a Sacrificial Lamb

December 02, 2020 3 min read

Want a New Guitar for Christmas? Find a Sacrificial Lamb

Christmas is coming. And, to many a prospective six-stringer, that means asking Santa for a new guitar.

Whether or not that new guitar materializes, though, is another matter entirely. If, like me, your answer to the question “how many guitars should you own?” is always “one more than you currently have,” it’s difficult to make the case that you really “need” that new instrument to the powers that be (usually your better half). 

I’ve talked before in this blog about strategies for smuggling a new six string into your home. Recently, I heard mention of a new approach, and given that the holiday season is almost upon us; I thought it pertinent to share with you all.

(I should offer a disclaimer at this point. As with all my previous “how to get a new guitar past your significant other” advice on this blog, I’m almost 100% per cent certain that this will not work. But heck, it’s the festive season, and Christmas miracles do sometimes happen!)

If you want that sweet sounding new Taylor acoustic or Gibson solid-bodied electric, then you’re going to need to find a sacrificial lamb. And, if you can bear to part with said lamb, then the rewards are yours for the taking.

So what is a sacrificial lamb? It’s that guitar in your collection that’s been

gathering dust. Perhaps you bought it on a whim. Maybe it’s a mid-level instrument that you outgrew or upgraded a way into your guitar-playing journey, but didn’t want to part with for sentimental reasons. 

I’m guessing you’ve got one somewhere; sat forlornly on a guitar stand or hiding in a dog-eared case under your bed. You probably forget to mention it when running through your collection with guitar playing buddies and it certainly wouldn’t be the first thing you grabbed if your house was on fire.

What you’re going to do is make a very visible display of either selling or giving that guitar away. 

Now, it’s really important that you do this before making any mention of the new instrument that you covet. You have to make sure that the sale of this guitar and the purchase of the next one appear in no way related.

That’s because sacrificing the lamb isn’t just about getting rid of a guitar. It’s about making you look like you’ve turned over a new leaf; like you’re not the sort of person who hoards all things six string, someone who has a financial compass and isn’t prone to impulsive guitar splurging (or asking loved ones to do the splurging for them once the holidays roll around). If you really want to seal the deal, consider using a coaster or getting a haircut. 

All of this is a lie of course. Said new leaf remains resolutely unturned, and chances are, you’ll be trying this or a similar tactic next birthday/holiday season/time you drunk buy a replica Black Beauty Les Paul after watching videos of Led Zep at the Albert Hall on YouTube. But those are problems for future you. Right now, let’s get back to the matter at hand.

With your lamb sacrificed, it’s time to mention that new “best guitar ever” to your partner. Now that you’ve laid the groundwork, you’re in a much stronger position to ask for a new axe. After all, you just sold a guitar. That means you’re no longer a man-child with a G.A.S problem (gear acquiring syndrome – not flatulence); you’re a well-adjusted adult who can let go of the things they don’t need…

Until next year, at least.



Also in Fingerboard Stories

It’s Flooding Down In Texas
It’s Flooding Down In Texas

May 19, 2023 5 min read

Texas Flood is, for all intents and purposes, a live album. The group played together, running through the best material from their live show and recording songs quickly as a result. Mullen did this to make the most of their limited time, as well as capture the energy that the group had during their live shows. For further proof of this, compare the songs on the album to those on Live at the El Mocambo; it’s almost hard to tell the difference between the two.
Thalia Capos’ Mother’s Day Playlist
Thalia Capos’ Mother’s Day Playlist

May 12, 2023 4 min read

From the 1971 album of the same name, this song is probably a great example of love and appreciation between a mother and her child. Dolly sings how her mother stitched her a coat using many colourful rags (including “the love that Momma sewed in every stitch”). The child recognizes the love put into it, appreciates the gift and is quick to defend her coat from the ridicule of the other kids. Try not to shed a tear at the beautiful tale that Dolly sings.
Paul Kossoff - A Glimpse at the Back Street Crawler
Paul Kossoff - A Glimpse at the Back Street Crawler

May 04, 2023 5 min read

Paul Kossoff was born in 1950 in Hampstead, London. After attending his first concert at age 8 (Tommy Steele at the London Palladium), Kossoff soon received his first guitar and started taking lessons. He was also playing with several local groups by his teen years, having taken to the instrument like a duck to water. At age 15, he gave up on academics and began working on his father David Kossoff’s touring productions (David Kossoff was a popular stage and television actor in the UK).